Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Life's not smooth for me these period of time... I'm feeling unhappy...
1) Friendship
I've been rather moody last week... When she asked me why, i counld not tell
her, cuz it's simply hard for me to put across to her... I feel neglected by my frens... I don't have a sense of identity and belonging among them... i'm like neither here nor there... both of the girls are close frens, while she and him are close too... i do not know where i belong... i'm like in the middle... There was once after maths lesson where she and him left first for lunch, then followed by both the girls... The 2 girls just left without me... and they did not wait for me... They were far in front of me, and i just told them to wait for me... it was only then that i knew they were going to the foyer(i asked them, not they told me)... they did not even tell me where are they going and just leave me behind... There were atill other occasions where they left without me... i also feel that i'm being treated like a substitute by one of the girls... when her close friend is not around, she treats me like her close fren... when she is around, i'm nobody...
And... i and my close fren(not sure if she thinks so) are getting further away from each other... She gives me a feeling that we are not close frens anymore(from her behaviour)... That close feeling is not there anymore... None of them understands what kind of friendship i want(except for my sec sch close fren as she shares the same sentiments as me towards friendship)... i want a close fren whom we do everything together... a fren who waits for you for lunch, talks to you about everything under the sun, understand exactly what you are thinking and feeling, accompanying you even going to the washroom(yaya, you may think it's immature or something, but that's what both of us want)... perhaps that's not what my jc frens look out for in friendship... It seems that i have a group of frens to hang out with, but deep down in my heart, i'm lonely...
2) COP(equivalent to CIP)
The first week was a joyful experience... the librabrian was friendly and approachable... but... the 2nd time sucks... the first 2 hours was ok... but after the chinese librabrian left, things became different and worse... me, jocelyn and willis were chatting a little while we were straightening the books, and some busybody told the librarian that we were talking and not doing our things... what the ****! are you blind or something? we were doing our things, and were only chatting a little... what's the matter with you? The librarian scolded us for not reporting to them after we have finished shelving our books as there were still more books to be shelved... but another librarian at the counter told us there were no more books for shelving at the moment and assigned other stuff for us to do.. we told the librarian this but she insisted that we should have reported to her... we did not request for any break time for the entire 5 hours and this is what we get in return... i swear that i would never ever volunteer in Woodlands Regional Librabry...
[[6:35 AM]] _I'm so addicted to you__
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